Boyfriends or Husbands are NOT an Answer to Safety

Posted: December 30, 2012 by Ankita in Opinions
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I wrote this post while traveling since my mind cannot rest. Since the current incidents have assured me that nobody else but ME has to take charge of my own safety. 

She has a guy with her, she is safe-> is one of the common notions, which a lot of women have. But the recent Delhi Rape case proved it wrong and has brought the brutal truth in front of us. No doubt having a guy while you’re traveling late night or through a dingy area is good but to entirely depend on them is NOT.

Everyday I see a lot of girls making claims that they are safe since they have a boyfriend, even if they are living away from home. They have a guy to protect them and fight for them. What they don’t realize is that the guy is not going to be there 24/7 and the guy doesn’t ensure safety. Instead of relying on a guy for one’s safety, women of today need to take charge of their safety to themselves.

Girls/Women/Kids need to be self-sufficient that they can kick balls of anyone who tries to misbehave. Women need to be mentally strong and should know atleast basic self-defense techniques. They need to learn how to get out of some tricky situations or how to use their bags/phones/magazines as a tool for safety. They need to have the inner self-confidence and let it reflect on their faces. They need to be mentally prepared to face the worst of situations alone. Even woman needs to set an example for others and show the men that they’re not feeble, they will not keep quiet, they will stand up for themselves.

Apart from this, we hear about a lot of cases where a boyfriend or a husband is the cause of the sexual assault or molestation or physical damage. Women need to learn to stand up for themselves and not face any kind of violence or misbehavior. There is peer pressure or family pressure, but if you don’t stand for yourselves; nobody else will.

Break the rules, but say NO to Injustice. Say NO to misbehavior. Say NO to anything that pulls you down.

More power to the Women community!

  1. Ankita, please don’t look upon the entire male gender with distrust. The percentage of those that commit atrocities like rape and murder are negligible, minuscule and mostly of deranged mentality. Why, even in this gruesome case, it was Damini’s boyfriend who fiercely though vainly defended her from the other hyenas. While it is a fact that some eyes roll over a female with lust, most of them don’t. Please don’t loose your trust in men. Because, once that is lost, everything is lost. Society will become divided not by religion but by gender and that will spell the end of creation.

    In Hinduism the concept of *Ardhanarishwara* represents the synthesis of masculine and feminine energies of the universe (Purusha and Prakriti) and illustrates how Shakti, the female principle of God, is inseparable from (or the same as, according to some interpretations) Shiva, the male principle of God. The union of these principles is exalted as the root of all creation.

    Therefore, the male and female genders are inseparable. Yes, they are put to test time and time again, however, it is for us, the humans to maintain the gender balance with the trust creation bestowed upon us and dispose off any thoughts otherwise.

    • Ankita says:

      Hey Prashanth,

      I don’t mean to distrust the male gender and I understand that not all men look at women with a sleazy look.

      Through this post, I just meant to put across a point. That guys (typically boyfriends or husbands) can save you but every girl should not only depend on them. They need to be aware of their own safety and learn basic self-defense. It might be possible that they are traveling alone or whatsoever.

      Thanks for reading 🙂

  2. LoneStar says:

    Prashanth – you’re right that not all of us men are like that. But I think Ankita is trying to make a different point here. She is urging women to not take their security for granted just because they have a boyfriend. On a lighter note, the equivalent analogy would be for us to urge guys to not take bed tea for granted just because they have a wife. Obviously, the point Ankita is making is more dire than we can imagine.

    Also, in the same spirit of this post, I think it makes sense for us guys to make sure the women in our lives (girlfriends, fiance, sisters, wives, daughters etc.) don’t just depend on us for their safety. We need to have them be self reliant and independent as much as possible. We may not be around when the hyenas (as you say) strike them.

    Well written post Ankita. I’m getting the women in my life to attend your self defense workshops now. Time for outrage is over, time for action has started.

    • Ankita says:

      @Lonestar- Thanks a lot for reading this post. And yes, I am exactly making the same point. Girls need to understand that having a bf/husband could be an add on security but not the only ultimate security.

      I hope you do help us when we organize workshops in your city. Keep supporting women :). We need more guys like you in the society.

      • LoneStar says:

        Yes Ankita, I have already filled out the volunteer form. I will help out in any way I can. What you are doing is very important for society, and we should all help as much as we can.

  3. Ankita, thanks for the reply. No doubt, you point is well taken and its underlying message well understood. My plea was just not to give up the *trust* in the male gender.

    @Lonestar: The message Ankita exceptionally implied is well understood. Security of women undoubtedly has become the need of the hour and none of the incidences happening around the country are reason for comfort. Measures for bringing about a sense of security amongst the female gender of our country is long over due, not because of negligence, but because of astute callousness from the political class who sit in comfort of their Z security zone. Perhaps this uprising would bring about the envisaged changes in laws that would enhance the security of our women.

    Thank you both for your comments. Much appreciated.

  4. Hemen Parekh says:

    Dear Friend

    Here is my tribute to the Delhi rape victim

    Express your anguish , add your own verse ( and your name ) , at the end and forward to your “ Contact Group “ .

    Then request them to do likewise.

    Let , a million version of this tribute echo in the hearts on all Indians

    – hemen parekh

    Jobs for All = Peace on Earth

    But Democracy is a good thing !

    The Girl is dead
    India’s darling daughter is dead
    But democracy is alive
    And democracy is a good thing.

    Every year
    24,026 mothers , daughters , sisters get raped,
    Countless others burnt to dowry-death;
    Poor starve or, shelterless
    Freeze on footpath;
    On each rainless day
    A hundred farmers commit suicide
    But democracy is alive
    And democracy is a good thing

    Each year , 1,600,000 children die of malnutrition
    Even as millions of tons of grain
    Rot under sun and rain
    Thousands die of tobacco smoke
    But democracy is alive
    And democracy is a good thing

    Hundreds die in floods
    Few thousands die crossing railway tracks
    A million children die working for 18 hours
    In dark / dungeon slave factories
    Living on a slice of bread and glass of dirty water
    But democracy is alive
    And democracy is a good thing

    Where else but in a democracy
    Do we have a right
    To vote / elect our own Masters Male,
    Who , for the next five years, will

     Silence us
     Torture us
     Maim us
     Rape us
     Plunder us
     Murder us

    Stop crying, Mother / Daughter / Sister of India,

    Stop voting for males

    who degrade females,

    Stop “ begging “ for equal representation

    It is your “ Right “ to wrest it

    And throw out all who resist it

    Fast Track from Lok Sabha in 2014.

    That would be your only

    Tribute worthy of Nirbhaya

    ( hemen parekh )

    Add your verse here :

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