Posts Tagged ‘males’


Recently I came across this case happening in one of my extended circles. A married woman in late 20s alleged that her husband of 10 years is gay and filed for divorce in the court. She claimed that both her daughters (aged 6-yrs and 2-yrs) are conceived off another man because her own husband was incapable of forming a sexual relationship with her due to his sexual orientation.
What I found appalling was that she left both her daughters with the husband’s family and took off to her mother’s. She has now joined a college and is portraying herself as a single girl in order to get married to this other man of resourceful means.

I don’t know how the court has reacted to her allegations specially since if the daughters are not natural-born to her husband, why should he be entitled to their custody? His case is evidently stronger than his wife’s since she’s the one that cheated and left her kids with his family. But in his last conversation to a relative he told that the court seems inclined towards the wife and he may even have to pay compensation for the divorce along with getting custody of the children.

How fair is that to the man and his family is all I ask? Why does he have to pay for his wife’s self-confessed infidelity, insensitivity and ill-attachment to her own kids?

Another case that recently happened in one of my father’s friends’ family is that a newly wed asked for a hefty sum of money to be transferred to her mother’s account or else she’ll file a dowry case against the husband and his family.When the family  did not pay heed to her threats, she filed a case against the husband claiming he is impotent and has an extra-marital affair. The court ruled in her favor and she received a handsome alimony.

When I was a toddler, our neighbors’ son, a doctor got married to a woman who was under a false identity, filed a case of dowry demand  and domestic violence and put the whole family behind the bars in return for heavy compensation in cash. Her false identity was discovered when she was caught doing the same to another family and our neighbors were finally let out of jail a decade later. Justice may have been served late but the family is now living in slums, trying to make ends meet through daily wage jobs.

I am sure these are not the only cases you have heard about.

Women go to the police with a complaint (may be false), but the system provides to record that as a criminal complaint and that data adds in to the National Statistics of Crime Against Women. When male goes with a genuine complaint the police at max can record a Non Cognizable offence against the women. That will never reflect in the statistics. Then how will one guage crime against men? Every 100 Suicides in India have 63 Males and 37 Females. Every 100 male suicides have 45 married males, and every 100 women suicides have 25 married Women. Married women suicides have default arrests of the inlaws under presumed dowry death. Married men suicides entitle wife for a 50% share in property. — Jinesh Zaveri, an advocate on men’s rights in marriage laws.

The biggest threats to Indian men and Indian families is Article 498A of Indian Penal Code , Passed by Indian Parliament in 1983, which is a criminal law (not a civil law):

“Whoever, being the husband or the relative of the husband of a woman, subjects such woman to cruelty shall be punished with imprisonment for a term which may extend to three years and shall also be liable to fine. The offence is Cognizable, non-compoundable and non-bailable.”

498a can only be invoked by wife/daughter-in-law or her relative. Most cases where Sec 498A is invoked turn out to be false (as repeatedly accepted by High Courts and Supreme Court in India) as they are mere blackmail attempts by the wife (or her close relatives) when faced with a strained marriage. In most cases 498a complaint is followed by the demand of huge amount of money (extortion) to settle the case out of the court. This section is non-bailable(you have to appear in court and get bail from the judge), non-compoundable (complaint can’t be withdrawn) and cognizable (register and investigate the complaint, although in practice most of the time arrest happens before investigation). There have been countless instances where, without any investigation, the police has arrested elderly parents, unmarried sisters, pregnant sister-in-laws and even 3 year old children. In these cases unsuspecting family of husband has to go through a lot of mental torture and harassment by the corrupt Indian legal system. A typical case goes on for years (5-7 years is typical) and the conviction rate is about 2% only. Some accused parents, sisters and even husbands have committed suicide after time in jail. — 498a.org, a website to raise awareness on 498A of IPC and it’s increasing misuse by the Indian daughter-in-laws.

One of the most hazardous and disastrous social evils in society along with crime against women is misandry i.e. hatred towards men, and is visible in following forms:

  1.  Presence of anti-male gender biased laws in India.
  2.  Little awareness of men’s issues.
  3. Trivialization of men’s problems.
  4. Male disposability.
  5. Systematic gender-based discrimination against men across policies – either public or private.
  6. No special protection accorded to men from serious issues like incidences of terror from intimate partners, immediate family and extended family.
  7. Gender based discrimination against fathers.
  8. Gender based discrimination against boys in education schemes.
  9. Irrational distribution of responsibilities across the two genders.
  10. No allocation of budget by Government towards male friendly causes and objectives.

According to the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB) as many as 61,453 married men ended their lives in 2010, compared to 31,754 women. The NCRB report in 2011 concluded that at least 16 people committed suicide every hour and the total figure was 1.35 lakh; Suicides due to divorce and “illegitimate pregnancy” saw a rise of 54% and 20% respectively in 2011. The report showed that 70% of victims were married. While social and economic causes led most men to commit suicide, emotional and personal causes mainly drove women to take the extreme step.

Taking into consideration shortfall in Indian Penal code of basic human right of men and protection, a new law named ‘Saving Men from Intimate Terror Act’ SMITA is on the anvil. This bill is supposed to be tabled in the Parliament this winter session and debate would be held in the Rajyasabha as given to understand from the Standing Committee of the Parliament. — Fight For Justice, a blog on protecting men’s right in India.

SMITA is a joint initiative by the Indian Social Awareness and Activism Forum (INSAAF) and Confidare Research, drafted to protect men and boys from domestic violence from their spouse, girlfriends and parents.

Various forms of abuse against men by the opposite sex have been classified by  them under:

  • Physical abuse
  • Emotional abuse
  • Verbal abuse
  • Legal abuse
  • Economic abuse
  • Sexual abuse

The draft bill was sent as a petition to the Rajya Sabha by the NGOs, following which an acknowledgement was sent to the petitioners, paving the way for a discussion on it in the Upper House.

If you are one of the victims of women-centric family laws in the country, you can seek support at NGOs such as Men’s Rights AssociationSave Indian Family Foundation/All India Men’s Welfare Association.
Every coin has two sides to it, without looking at the other, one should not form an opinion. Justice For Women was not a result of misandry but an attempt to protect, save, empower and fight for equality of our own kind.
The purpose of this post is to aware the readers of the threats of women-centric laws to the men in India and to show our support for SMITA. This is not to say that crime against women and inferior status of women in India is a myth.
Everyone deserves fair and just trial. Gender bias deepens division of society based on sex and I believe we would all agree this country needs to learn solidarity, unity and tolerance towards those different from ourselves.
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I don’t want to write, not a single word.
I want to say that there is nothing more to be said, after the Guwahati incident.
But unfortunately, we will move on. Even this shameful terrifying incident will not change anything.
We will close this chapter and again read feverishly about girls getting scholarships, flying aeroplanes and breaking the glass ceiling.
We will want desperately to believe that all this is the truth and will lull ourselves into this belief.
For a while , till another ‘Guwahati’ happens.
Because it will.
And this time we cannot blame the government, too bad but there it is.
We have only ourselves to blame so naturally that door is closed, as we are cowards.
Mental cowards who cannot face the truth and physical cowards who cannot protect the weak.
Women are not weak per se I want to say this but can’t in all truthfulness.
Deterioration of status of women is being seen and felt by each one of us.
I have always maintained that the day is not far off when women will become commodities again.
Don’t think!
Don’t introspect!
Don’t analyse!
Just STOP accepting the unacceptable right now.

Otherwise be prepared for the return of auction block and sale of women as slaves.


Guest Post by Abhay Chawla (journalist) on his 1st meeting with Sonali:

This was the moment I was dreading, coming face to face with her. I tried to mentally prepare myself for the meeting. From the photograph I had seen in the newspapers, I knew Sonali was badly burnt due to the acid attack on her but a flesh and blood meeting is different. Could she see? Could she hear properly? What would I say when I saw her? Where would I look while talking to her? These and other questions were running through my mind.

Sonali came into my life one morning recently, in the form of a story run by a major news channel. When she had been 18 years old, three boys in her locality in Dhanbad had thrown acid on her face. It was nine years since the day of the attack. The boys had been arrested and later freed on bail and the court case still dragged on. Meanwhile Sonali’s life came to an abrupt halt as did the life of her family. 22 surgeries later she is still nowhere with no governmental or organized help coming her way.Instinctively, I knew I had to do something for her. The best I could immediately do was to set up a Facebook group and appeal for monetary assistance. I figured relief and rehabilitation was the first task and for that money was important. This would ensure her surgeries carried on, and somehow I felt that it would show Sonali that people of the country cared and that she was not alone. By evening that day “Help Sonali Mukherjee from Dhanbad” group was 500 people strong and growing. Donations had also started coming in with people messaging their support and contribution.The next day I walked into the temple in south Delhi where she was staying. As I had already spoken to her she was expecting me. Sitting alone on a cot in a small shed at the rear of the temple she was staring at empty space. “Sonali!” I called out loud with gusto. “Bhaiya!” she answered in an equally upbeat tone, smiling and looking in my direction. For a girl who had gone through so much in such a short span of time, she was extremely cheerful and positive. We didn’t know each other, had never met earlier but we connected. Was it because of an earlier life connection, I wondered.

I looked at her and I think I was staring. The acid had eaten both her eyes and one external ear. Her face was being reconstructed with plastic surgeries. Besides this her hands and neck also bore the marks of the attack. Looking at her I felt anger and frustration with the system for not being able to ameliorate her suffering or to give her any justice. I felt miserable on seeing that in a big city like Delhi she didn’t even have a decent place to stay, and in spite of her story narrated by a prominent TV channel no organisation, corporate or individual had stepped forward to give her even a comfortable accommodation.

We talked and the conversation was easy. She told me of the various surgeries she went through and how she progressed since the day of her attack. The number of people she met and the assurances she received. I steered clear of the attackers lest old wound reopen, but told her about my innumerable students who had expressed sympathy and shared their pocket money. She seemed to lapse into deep thought. “I am so happy you came and when you tell me about sympathy and support from people, I feel energetic and want to continue my fight to live.” she whispered back.

It has been over a week. Donations are trickling in as are assurances and media people. She still has to get a decent accommodation or a proper road map for rehabilitation and a future. Meanwhile, a proposal to make acid attack a separate criminal offence punishable by a maximum of ten years and compensation for the acid attack victims by the government has been approved by the Union Cabinet. It is still a long way from being incorporated as a law and then we will have to see how the law is enforced. But the first baby step has been taken.


As India celebrates its 66th Independence day today, on the 15th of August, us women are still struggling for our basic Rights promised to all citizens on the eve of this day, back in 1947 by our most trusted Constitution.

Although the Preamble is not an integral part of the Indian Constitution, it is a brief introductory statement that sets the guidelines of the legal document.

WE, THE PEOPLE OF INDIA, having solemnly resolved to constitute India into a [SOVEREIGN SOCIALIST SECULAR DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC] and to secure to all its citizens:JUSTICE, social, economic and political;

LIBERTY of thought, expression, belief, faith and worship;

EQUALITY of status and of opportunity;

and to promote among them all

FRATERNITY assuring the dignity of the individual and the [unity and integrity of the Nation];

IN OUR CONSTITUENT ASSEMBLY this twenty-sixth day of November, 1949, do HEREBY ADOPT, ENACT AND GIVE TO OURSELVES THIS CONSTITUTION.

For a country that is itself referred in feminine grammatical gender, its women are unsafe, unhappy, unrecognized and underpaid. “In India, women and girls continue to be sold as chattels, married off as young as 10, burned alive as a result of dowry-related disputes and young girls exploited and abused as domestic slave labour,” says Gulshun Rehman, health program development adviser at Save the UK, told Reuters during a recent poll conducted by TrustLaw, a legal news service by Thomson Reuters Foundation in which India leads the pack of G20 as the worst country for women to live.

This survey was based on Countries with policies that promote safe health care, freedom of violence, women in politics, workplace opportunities, access to resources like education and poverty rights, and ending human trafficking and slavery. India was chosen as the worst based on issues of infanticide, child marriage and slavery identified by a poll of 370 gender specialists worldwide.

We all know those aren’t the only issues that cripples our nation as far as gender equality and women empowerment is concerned.

The word ‘Socialist‘ was added to our Preamble in the 42nd Amendment and it implies social and economic equality i.e.  the absence of discrimination on the grounds only of caste, colour, creed, sex, religion, or language; Under social equality, everyone has equal status and opportunities. In paper though, it sounds ideal, has it really happened?

· Female feticide, infanticide, child marriage, domestic violence, sexual violence, and sexual harassment at the work place to the treatment meted out to elderly women makes any thinking person to wonder at the nature of the society. Participation of women in the decision-making bodies be they within the home, workplace or community is marginal, never reaching even 25% of the total population of women in India.

· Women are forced to change their jobs or seek transfers on account of Sexual Harassment.

· Most of the women’s work, inside the house goes unnoticed and unremunerated. Even outside the family they remain underpaid.

· In terms of horizontal segregation, women are concentrated in low –paying positions such as secretary, typist, beautician, nurse, caregiver and assembly – line worker. “Equal work but unequal pay” is still a common practice in India’s private sector.

· According to statistics from the United Nations “Women constitute 50% of the World population, do two third of the work, get 10% of the total income and own 1% of the total assets”. While this is a global fact, the picture is much more pathetic in India.

· Children living in this environment and witnessing the differential role pattern of the man and the woman learn the lessons of gender inequality right from their childhood and the pattern is bound to continue generation after generation.

· Women constitute a significant part of the workforce in India but they lag behind men in terms of work participation and quality of employment. According to Government sources, out of 407 million total workforce, 90 million are women workers, largely employed (about 87 percent) in the agricultural sector as labourers and cultivators. In urban areas, the employment of women in the organised sector in March 2000 constituted 17.6 percent of the total organised sector.

· The existence of discriminatory laws, the fact that the laws fail to take account of rural women’s special situation, and the adherence to paternalistic and male-oriented customs which hinder the implementation of, or fill the gaps in, non-discriminatory legislation, have helped to keep rural women in a subordinate position.  www.legalservicesindia.com

Nothing could be lower than the lowest that our women go through in this country, this section of women called the ‘Valmikis‘ or the manual scavengers of dry feces that clean out public toilets. In spite of modernization, major part of India still uses traditional dry, non-flush toilets that expose these manual scavengers to many bio-hazards such as “the most virulent forms of viral and bacterial infections which affect their skin, eyes, limbs, respiratory and gastrointestinal systems. TB (tuberculosis) is rife among the community,” states the UN report.

Armed only with a tin plate and broom as proper equipment to protect them from illness is not provided to them, these women pile human feces into baskets and carry on their heads for distances up to 2 miles. Often the contents drip into their hair, faces, and bodies.

The Employment of Manual Scavengers and Construction of Dry Latrine Act of 1993 states that, “No person shall engage in or employ for or permit to be engaged in or employed by any other person for manually carrying human excreta; or to construct or maintain a dry latrine.

In spite of its being “illegal” the practice and use of manual scavengers continues in many low-income urban and rural parts of India today. Legal loopholes and non-enforcement of the law on manual scavenging continues in many parts of India, even as organizations protecting the rights of manual scavengers present detailed reports.

Mahatma Gandhi, the father of this nation himself stated back in 1921, “Of all the evils for which man has made himself responsible, none is so degrading, so shocking or so brutal as his abuse of the better half of humanity; the female sex (not the weaker sex).”

  • 45% of Indian girls are married before the age of 18, according to the International Centre for Research on Women (2010).
  • 56,000 maternal deaths were recorded in 2010 (UN Population Fund).
  • Research from UNICEF in 2012 found that 52% of adolescent girls (and 57% of adolescent boys) think it is justifiable for a man to beat his wife.
  • According to the National Crime Records Bureau in India, there was a 7.1% hike in recorded crimes against women between 2010 and 2011.
  • The biggest leap was in cases under the Dowry Prohibition Act (up 27.7%), of kidnapping and abduction (up 19.4% year on year) and rape (up 9.2%).
  • A preference for sons and fear of having to pay a dowry has resulted in 12 million girls being aborted over the past three decades, according to a 2011 study by the Lancet.

These polls, numbers and statistics may highlight the grave situation in India, but even these cannot voice the hurt, pain, desolation, humiliation that women in our country go through everyday, to varying extent. There is a need to secure our women, give them opportunities to shine, let their voices be heard.

We do not agree to being the “weaker sex”. We do not want your charity, your pity or your security. All we need is your recognition, acceptance and respect so we can come out of the dark and live up to our full potential.

66 years down the line, we are still fighting for independence in hopes that one day it shall be ours.

Happy Independence Day to those that glide free for ours is yet to come.


I asked this question on Twitter to all those following #Justiceforwomen: What do you think can really make these rapes & assaults stop? Actual, plausible suggestions. I am still wondering..

Following are some of the replies that I received:

@nimue: the will to not go down without a fight and to never accept the crime as ur fate.

@DaEternalRebel: Vigilantism

@SunilBtg: The certainty, swiftness and severity of punishment

>We need to lobby with the Law Commission, the Chief Justice of India, NCW, NHRC and the Law Ministry

@deepakbhx: A total upheaval complt change of social order, no half measures how bst intensioned it may be is 0. Rape is sh of power too!

@taklooman: stricter punishment and higher conviction rate in high profile cases involving famous/influential people.

 @Leopard212: women be armed. If threatened- shoot or kill the bastard. On a realistic level, massive constitutional and legal changes.

What can be concluded from these statements is that quite a lot of us believe in complete transformation of our social order, legal system and education along with being vigilant.

Need of the hour is not identification of problem but syndication of the solution. Now that we know what to do, let’s start working in that direction.

Instead of waiting and hoping, for a change let’s try to bring a change.

P.S.: Do tweet/post your suggestions and let’s discuss how to help our women.