Posts Tagged ‘Violence and Abuse’


I wrote this post while traveling since my mind cannot rest. Since the current incidents have assured me that nobody else but ME has to take charge of my own safety. 

She has a guy with her, she is safe-> is one of the common notions, which a lot of women have. But the recent Delhi Rape case proved it wrong and has brought the brutal truth in front of us. No doubt having a guy while you’re traveling late night or through a dingy area is good but to entirely depend on them is NOT.

Everyday I see a lot of girls making claims that they are safe since they have a boyfriend, even if they are living away from home. They have a guy to protect them and fight for them. What they don’t realize is that the guy is not going to be there 24/7 and the guy doesn’t ensure safety. Instead of relying on a guy for one’s safety, women of today need to take charge of their safety to themselves.

Girls/Women/Kids need to be self-sufficient that they can kick balls of anyone who tries to misbehave. Women need to be mentally strong and should know atleast basic self-defense techniques. They need to learn how to get out of some tricky situations or how to use their bags/phones/magazines as a tool for safety. They need to have the inner self-confidence and let it reflect on their faces. They need to be mentally prepared to face the worst of situations alone. Even woman needs to set an example for others and show the men that they’re not feeble, they will not keep quiet, they will stand up for themselves.

Apart from this, we hear about a lot of cases where a boyfriend or a husband is the cause of the sexual assault or molestation or physical damage. Women need to learn to stand up for themselves and not face any kind of violence or misbehavior. There is peer pressure or family pressure, but if you don’t stand for yourselves; nobody else will.

Break the rules, but say NO to Injustice. Say NO to misbehavior. Say NO to anything that pulls you down.

More power to the Women community!

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Guest post by an Anonymous Delhi guy who feels there is a deeper meaning to the act on Dec 16th. He thinks the humans have become dangerous animals & still need to evolve.

A lot has been said about the Dec 16th Delhi Rape Case.

Many have wondered how could one human rape another human. Many feel rape should invoke harsher punishments to be wiped off our psyche. Many have argued men should be better raised for this menace to be eradicated.

I’ve been pre-occupied with something completely different about this case. I am not so sure if it has been explored by all those who “talk” only when such incidents come forth to our notice.

I am talking about the animal violence that followed the otherwise ghastly act.

What is it about our genetics that makes us go over the top? Not just in the case of rape, take road rage for instance. When someone cuts us off while driving, not only do we get medieval by cutting them off at the risk of hurting others, we sometimes force them to stop their vehicle, beat them up, and then even as their near dead motionless body lies there, we kick it or shoot at it one last time just to satiate the animal inside us. That is eerily similar to what happened at around 9:30 pm on Dec 16th – not only did several men rape a girl, they then went on to physically damage her insides and then threw her off the bus. If there are many amongst us who would go overboard in the case of road rage, we must come to this disturbing conclusion that there are many amongst us who would have done the exact same thing as those evil men in the case of sexual rage.

I am not sure I have an answer to why it happened. But I am not sure if it can be cured by harsher punishments – heck if that were the case we’d have zero murders. I don’t even think better upbringing would wipe this off our psyches – heck if that were the case, we’d all be respecting our elders and be kind to children.

I think in the final analysis, one thing is very clear. Humans have not evolved as much as we’d like to think we have. The animal inside us is very much alive. And maybe it’s gotten even more dangerous. We’re now hunting amongst our kind.

And as long as that happens, none of us are safe from each other. Not women, not children, not men either. No one


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This is a Guest post by Gowrav Shenoy ( @gshny) who was one of the Hosts for our #Bangalore Self Defense workshop. It was conducted by ‘Dr. Safety’ Franklin Joseph, women safety empowerment specialist and Krav Maga trainer.

I recently saw the post that the NGO called Justice for Women was hosting a self defense workshop for Women across the country. As a friend to the organizer i decided to help out in any ways i could. I was asked to host the workshop on behalf of Justice for Women in Bangalore today along with Nabeel. The workshop was conducted by Franklin Joseph, who is a women safety empowerment specialist and Krav Maga trainer. Below are a few insights about the workshop.
Most of the attacks on Women are not targeted attacks. They are predators who look out for whom they can attack. For them the height, dress or looks do not matter, it is all about the body language. If you are alert then there is a 78% chance that you wont be attacked. As Frank pointed to us, anythings from cow dung to speeding car can be a threat.
Next question that may come to mind is, what if luck is not in your favor and you end up in the 22%. Frank tells us that when you are attacked, you still have 2 choices, you can either be the survivor or become the victim. The first move determines if we will survive to live another day. When approached keep eye contact with the other person and try to keep talking. The minute you panic, you let fear take over you and you end up being the victim. So how do you become a survivor?
Frank tells its not about height, strength or body that is important to protect yourself but its right use of mind and technique. He explained some very basic technique that uses the various laws of physics, so that by using minimum movements, maximum damage can be made to the attacker. He explained about pressure points in human body and which ones to use when under attacks. But all these that he explained were just as a defense so that you can plan your escape. He told that fighting does not do any good and that must be used as a last option. The technique that he taught everyone today were such that, the more force the attacker puts on you, the higher the risk of him breaking his own bones.
He explained how to escape if someone tries to grab your hands or tries to choke you or even holds a knife to your neck. The whole session can be summed up in the following words: Be Alert, Keep your hands freely so that you can defend, keep talking, if they try to grab you then make your move and scan the area for an escape. There was another session going on in parallel and they were kind enough to give us some really cool demos.
He told us that 92% of crime on women is done by someone whom they know. And around 45% of it is domestic violence. He concluded that women must stand up to her rights and show that she can fight back and wont be sitting quiet. Frank is really looking forward to organizing such workshops more often. I think we should have our friends/colleagues/relatives to attend these events when they are organized again.

 Zena Costa, independent Sports Mgmt Prof. & writer, blogs to help you and & loved ones heal from a life of tribulations and move onto a better tomorrow. Because it’s you, and only you that can help yourself.

My years as a journo helped me meet women from all walks of life across all cultures. It’s imperrative that before seeking solutions we UNDERSTAND RAPE.

Rape is like a violent storm that cuts a swath through the lives of victims and those who love them. Left in its wake are complex feelings of grief, anger, confusion, fear, helplessness, isolation, uncertainty, injustice, and a profound sense that one’s world may never be the same again.

For many victims, rape is moment that divides in their lives . . . life before the rape and life now. In some measure, the same is true for those who are closest to the victim including husbands, fathers, brothers, and male companions. For all, one consequence of rape is that it can shape peoples’ perceptions of themselves and their interactions with others. In particular, it seems as if many of the rules that govern how victims and their loved ones conduct their lives and relate to one another are changed in the after­math of rape.

How does a victim of rape regain control of her life? As a man whose lady-love gets raped, as mother or as a father who loves her, what can you do to help her recover? How can you preserve and strengthen a relationship with someone you love if she is raped? To answer these questions, you must first understand what rape is.

Rape maybe defined as an act of sexual violence that is usually perpetrated by males against females, which is accompanied by threat and intimidation, and which is imposed upon a victim against her will.

Rape is about power, control, and domination. Rape is not about sex, though it is a violent crime that is expressed sexually. The victim has not “asked for it” and does not enjoy it. The victim was forced by someone who overpowered her, and possibly terrorized her with a weapon and threats of extreme bodily harm. Rape is life-threatening and life-altering; it severely traumatizes the victim.

Rape is a disturbingly frequent crime that occurs thou­sands of times each year. Rape is one of the least reported crimes, in part because many victims fear how they might be treated if they divulge what has happened. By choosing to remain silent, many rape survivors are also trying to protect others from the consequences of their victimization. It is an act of courage and trust for a woman to divulge to another that she was raped.

Most of the resources of rape-crisis centers and counseling facilities are directed toward providing immediate help to the victim. But others also are in a position to help, including men. Because of the violent and sexual nature of rape, the husbands, fathers, brothers, and male friends who are important to victims may have a difficult time coming to terms with what has happened. Many are well-intentioned and want to help, but do not know what to do. Yet these men often have the greatest impact on her recovery — positively or negatively — depending on what they say and how they act.

Although most men want to help, many are ill-prepared to respond constructively. This may be because they think of rape as a “woman’s problem.” They have little understanding of how rape will affect their relationship with the person they love. To make matters worse, myths about rape compound the difficulties of recovery for victims.

If your wife, daughter, sister, or friend is raped, Seek counselling – You will learn what happens to her in the aftermath of an assault. You will learn what you should and should not do. It will give you the tools necessary to maintain a healthy relationship with the person you love.