Just a Mother ?

 

During my monthly visit (a necessity at this age not a luxury believe me) to the Beauty parlour, or salon as they are called nowadays, I came across a young girl with impossibly beautiful long hair who was sitting in the waiting area with an infant and a young boy of 3-4 years.

Now, I love small children when they belong to somebody else but am scared of young boys, they are a typical breed full of pent up energy.

Anyway, I sat next to her and tried to peek into the multiple fold to see the ‘baby’, the young lady obliged and I gazed upon a cute pink face scrunched up in sleepy concentration. After the usual conversation I gleaned that she was the young aunt and these kids belonged to her elder sister. The baby was just 3 weeks old, but her sister had to visit the parlour so here we are. Between all this conversation the boy tried to rescue a goldfish from drowning in the decorative aquarium of the salon.

A woman standing at the counter turned and came to us and informed that ‘it’ will take three hours. She was undoubtedly the mother of this duo, the sister told her to go ahead and after setting up a ‘feeding time for the baby’ the young beautiful mother went inside. I was intrigued and as I still had a few minutes before my appointment I decided to vent my curiosity.

“Your sister is in the media industry, TV or something?”

“No, Didi was a teacher but she has resigned. She is very beautiful, everybody asks this question,” the young girl replied.

My query though was based on the need to come to the parlour to ‘become beautiful’ after barely a month of delivery. It turned out that it had been hinted broadly by the father of these two beautiful children that wasn’t it high time she did herself up, after all how many days was needed to go around with oily sticky hair etc.

With modern medicine the old ‘40 day’ rest period for young mothers is out. After all women go back to work after a week of delivery now. But my point is that it should be they who should want to. If the young mother just wants to be a mother for a month, why can’t she be? Why does she have to always be the beautiful wife?

Women juggle so many roles in a lifetime, daughter, wife, daughter-in-law, mother etc. The men do too definitely but the role of a mother is unique. Without getting mushy about it, let us at least give respect to her and time.

Please, can I just be a mother for a few days?

 

Letter from An Anguished father

Dear Son

What did we do wrong? We brought you up to be a nice boy.We gave you morals and values.

As a child you always came first in class, your mother used to prepare your favourite dishes. Your sister was not that good in studies but always helped around the house.

You were a bit naughty but that’s okay. Boys are a little naughty. Always leaving your clothes strewn around, your mother and sister were forever picking up after you. But you were not a bad boy.

Remember, you beat up that boy when you were in class XI because he teased your sister on the way back from school? You also got a cut on your cheek but we were proud of you.

What happened? Your poor mother is sick with worry, she is sure there is some story behind this.

When we saw your face on that video we could not believe it!

Please tell me it is not you tearing the clothes off that girl. Please tell me its not you, smiling, as he molests a young girl on the street. Please tell me I have not failed as a parent , as a father! Please tell me What did we do wrong

An Anguished father

The paralyzed self-respect of Indian Women!

Following contribution has been made by Chintan Gupta:

Ever since The Guwahati incident has happened, I have witnessed outrage from each and every one I have interacted with over the internet. More often than not, such an outrage is mere chain reaction to what you read and wish to change if you are ambitious enough. We all feel this strong short-lived urge to break all the boundaries and rebel; however the routine challenges that an Indian citizen has to go through cuts the life of an outrage even shorter. I somehow, do not believe in charity, fixing a neighbour’s running tap for free for instance however I strongly believe one must live on one’s own terms. Alas, most of Indians cannot afford that luxury either! Imagine, if an Indian Man feels suffocated, burdened under unnecessary responsibilities, how does an Indian Woman survive? All the heat that the man fails to tolerate is showered blatantly on the women and more so on the women who dare to live their life on their own terms or challenge men any which way. Atanu Bhuyan, the Editor in Chief of News Live isn’t the only man who is busy assassinating the character of the victim. The saddest part of this whole episode isn’t the fact that a girl was molested by a mob in public, in front of a camera, but, the repercussions that most of the girls would face after this incident.

We as a society are not yet prepared to embrace the reality. We are accustomed to live in denial, denial of women, their respectful existence and understanding the fact that they are indeed equally human. A woman’s self-respect is as paralyzed in this nation as that blind folded lady who imparts judgements on criminals. Post this incident, most of the girls would be forced to undergo character dissection at their safe homes! Whether they consume alcohol, engage in sexual relationships, party, get teased or harassed, it is the womankind who immediately comes under scanner at their own home when such an incident is highlighted. You are warned of your vulnerability and how you are the symbol of family’s reputation. Must you not step out of house like the girl who was molested? Must you not engage in sexual intimacy with a boy who can photograph you topless? Must you not attract unwarranted attention at busy market areas, and above all, must you not act smart and engage in any kind of a rebel to bring shame to the family for you never know, you could be the next! All in all, as long as she is your daughter, you walk the walk of shame, and then you send her to a stranger’s house and your job done! Same story repeats at the stranger’s house too.

Many strong women, would engage in discussions, blog about the complete episode, outlet their rage, mock the men who disrespect women, however within somewhere there is a guilt, a fear and a hope that you wouldn’t be such a victim! EVER. At the end of the day, we are too consumed in blame culture that we would look for faults in the woman’s character. Atanu Bhuyan pointed out in his tweets that the victim had engaged in a fight in the pub, she kept arguing after leaving the premises and he even mentioned that she isn’t a teenager but a married woman. You can understand the subtle hints of insult in his statements. It is what it is. I despised him for such remarks, I was disgusted, I was disgusted even more because I know many would nod when he speaks on TV! Women who are indeed busy discussing this issue and fighting for the victim would accept that they know men who would still blame the victim. We are surrounded by them all, everywhere!

Where does this all leave us? Nowhere. The truth is to each her own. You got to do what you got to do. Be alert and save yourself of all kind of daemons. I say shed all the inhibitions and parade like Pooja Chauhan if need be, but live on your own terms. It is easier said than done but Indian Women got to understand, they are not living just to be judged and told how significant their morals as well as character is. Character, morals are the most farce words I have known in my entire life, all I care for is self-worth, self-respect. As long as I am happy, content in my own skin, can survive, work, earn my own bread, I owe no apology to anyone for how I live my life. So should all the women out there who are questioned about their character each day. Be who you are, live by the truth you seek within yourself. Stop judging other women for their choice of lifestyle, let the paralysis that is limiting us all vanish in desperation of bullies.