Archive for the ‘Healing Process’ Category


Guest post by Harleen Vij, a trendy plus-sized activist in the process of launching her first book:

Read a post last night about Abercrombie & Fitch CEO, Mike Jefferies’, reason for not catering to plus sized women and was urged to write down this post.

In every school there are the cool and popular kids, and then there are the not-so-cool kids,” he told the site. “Candidly, we go after the cool kids. We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends. A lot of people don’t belong [in our clothes], and they can’t belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely. Those companies that are in trouble are trying to target everybody: young, old, fat, skinny. But then you become totally vanilla. You don’t alienate anybody, but you don’t excite anybody, either”

                                                                             -Mike Jefferies

Such comments coming from clothing brands can sabotage women’s confidence forever. It gets difficult to deal with such comments in real life. I myself have been through this and thought of sharing my story to motivate other women like me.

I am a 25-year-old, confident and bold 21st century woman but I wasn’t like this always. The world is filled with people like Jefferies and from time to time, I have had to encounter such narrow-minded people.

Being a fat girl, in India, wasn’t easy; I used to believe this until I read this post. I’ve come to realize now that a fat woman isn’t acceptable anywhere around the globe. People fail to understand the plight; the mental trauma people like me go through. I used to be the laughing stalk amongst my peers. Whether it was school or junior college, I was teased for being fat on every damn chance they found. I went through this trauma even within my family. My cousins and relatives too used to make fun of the way I looked. To top it all, I had a dark complexion, which was another reason for being teased and bullied.

Wherever I passed by, people especially boys; used to pass lewd comments and I couldn’t reply back. I was an innocent, under confident, self-conscious girl. People and their behavior towards me made had me like this. I had lost all confidence. I used to feel shy and hence remained in seclusion always. My peers used to feel ashamed of having me in their group or calling me their friend.

I was good at academics up to grade 6th, after that my grades dropped. My mother could never find a reason to this. She only thought that I am careless and not interested in studies anymore. But this bullying was the reason that affected my grades and me. Despite being fat I was physically fit and into sports. I was a good runner, swimmer and badminton player. I had participated in various other sports during my school days. I still play badminton and go for swimming.

Plus sized clothes were a huge problem. I used to wear ordinary trousers with kurtis that I got stitched from a tailor. Fashion was not meant for me, I used to think.

With time things began to change. I met my best friend (won’t name for personal reasons) who was fatter than me but had a  fair complexion. She was a beautiful blue-eyed girl with a flawless complexion but fat. She was like normal fat people- bubbly and chirpy. She too had this complex but she had learnt to face it with confidence. She wore stylish clothes and was very trendy.

My complexities were within me. Nobody ever noticed or realized them; Neither my parents nor my friends. My best friend came as a blessing in my life. I learnt a lot from her. Unknowingly she had taught me how to live fully despite being fat. In her company, I gained confidence and learnt about fashion too. My clothes too became quite fashionable and there was an evident change in me. I became confident and smart.

This change started taking place when I was in 10th grade and by the time I started my graduation, I was a super confident smart girl. After that I never looked back at those days. They were a nightmare, without a doubt, but I learnt a lot from those days.

Today, I am a smart and stylish woman all set to make a mark in this world with my first novel. I have left those voices way behind me. I believe in my dreams and myself. Being fat isn’t a curse (physical concerns being a separate thing) you just need to accept yourself the way you are and you need to believe in yourself. If you won’t believe in yourself, no one else will. And if you do, the world will believe in you.

I wear clothes that I want to wear, that I feel good in; irrespective of what people think/say about the way I am dressed. I just make sure to wear confidence with whatever I am wearing. Don’t get bogged down by such comments ever. Styling is meant for us too, after all we do have curves and flesh at the right places to flaunt. If you like a dress or a top in a showroom and didn’t find your size, don’t worry, get the same design stitched from a boutique. And bang there you have that beautiful piece of clothing you always eyed.

People will suppress/overrule you if you’ll allow them to do that. Confidence is the key. Being fat is just a state of mind. Put it behind you, put the discouraging people behind you and walk forward towards a new, confident and happy you.

The article can be read here:

Abercrombie & Fitch CEO Explains Why He Hates Fat Chicks

http://elitedaily.com/news/world/abercrombie-fitch-ceo-explains-why-he-hates-fat-chicks/

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 Zena Costa, independent sports mgmt prof and writer on how men can help their loved ones, in their time of need.

RAPE: What MEN can to do in case of a female friend or relative is raped ?

This is by no means a comprehensive list. However, here are some of the basic ways you can support your relative or friend if she has been raped:

If she comes to you for help immediately after the rape:

  • Ensure that she doesn’t wash herself as it could wash away evidence.
  • Call YOUR Parents/elders, anybody she can be comfortable with, and a person who can help you too.
  • Accompany her to the hospital Emergency Room or the police station immediately – whichever is closest.
  • Help her fill in all the required forms.
  • Request for a female doctor or police officer to tend to her if she is too traumatised to speak.
  • Contact the nearest women’s shelter or rape centre for support and advice on what to do next.
  • File a FIRST INFORMATION REPORT.

Other ways of providing support:

  • Don’t blame and never judge her – be supportive.
  • Help her get counseling sessions with a professional.
  • Accompany her to counseling sessions should she request it.
  • Accompany her to follow-up check-up appointments with the doctor.
  • Remind her that it was not her fault in any way. She did not ask for it.
  • Be a patient listener. Let her tell you the story, or if not, just be there for her.
  • If she is experiencing post-traumatic stress disorder, make it a point to check in on her regularly to ensure her safety and prevent suicide.
  • If she has children or other dependents, offer to babysit them when she has to go to court, to the counseling session or the doctor’s appointment.
  • Support her when she files charges against the perpetrator.
  • Accompany her to the court trial/hearings if the case is brought to court and should she request that you do so.

Important contact information of NGOs and Government Cells in Delhi:

NGOS Involved In Combating Violence Against Women
S.No. Name & Address Phones
1. ALL INDIA WOMEN’S CONFERENCE 
6, Bhagwan Das Road, New Delhi Ph :
web: aiwc.org.in
23381165, Fax: 23384092
2. JWP JOINT WOMEN’S PROGRAMME 
CISRS House, 14, Jangpura-B Mathura Road, New Delhi – 110 014
24314821, Fax: 24313660
3. STREEBAL 
B-5/19, Safdarjung Enclave, New Delhi – 24
web : www.streebal.com
26164113, Fax: 26160279
4. YWCA
10, Parliament Street, New Delhi – 1
web : www.ywcaindia.org
23340294, Fax: 23342220
5. SHAKTI SHALINI
6/30 B, Jangpura-B, New Delhi – 14
24312483, Fax: 24322220
6. SAKSHI 
B-64, First Floor, South Extension -II New Delhi – 49
web : www.sakshingo.org
24643946, 24623295, Fax: 24643946
7. JAGORI 
C-54, Top Floor, South Extension-II New Delhi – 49
Web: jagori.org
26257015, Fax: 26253629/7755
8. NARI RAKSHA SAMITI 
Raj Niwas Marg, Civil Lines, Delhi – 54
23973949, Fax: 23973949
9. NIRANTAR 
B-64, 2nd Floor, Sarvodaya Enclave New Delhi – 17
web : www.nirantar.net
26966334, 26517726
10. PRATIDHI
Police Station Complex, Shakarpur Pushta Marg, Ramesh Park, Delhi – 92
web : www.pratidhi.org
22527259, 22450100 Ext.6784
11. MARG 
205-206, 2nd Floor, Shahpur Jat New Delhi – 49
web : www.ngo-marg.org
26497483, 26496925
12. LAWYERS’ COLLECTIVE 
63/2, FF Masjid RD Jangpura Extension New Delhi – 14
Web: lawyerscollective.org
24316925, 24313904
13. DELHI BROTHERHOOD SOCIETY 
Brotherhood House 7, Court Lane New Delhi – 54
23931432, Fax: 23981025
14. MAHILA DAKSHATA SAMITI 
19, Fire Brigade Lane, Opp. Campa Cola Factory Connaught Place, New Delhi
web : www.mahiladakshatasamiti.org
23412067
15. HUMAN RIGHTS LAW NETWORK 
65, 2nd Floor, Jangpura, New Delhi
web : www.hrln.org
24316922, 24324503
16. NAVJYOTI 
Vikas Bhawan Sanjay Amar Colony Yamuna Pushta, Delhi – 6
web : www.navjyoti.org.in
23866316, 23866403, Fax: 23866312
17. PRAYATAN 
E-103, Kalkaji, New Delhi – 19
26415831, 26022849
18. ANGAJA FOUNDATION 
A-7, Amrit Nagar, Behind South Extension-I New Delhi – 49
web : http://www.angaja.org/
24645021, 24645022
19. CENTRE FOR SOCIAL RESEARCH (CSR) 
2, Institutional Area, Nelson Mandela Marg C-1, Vasant Kunj, New Delhi – 70
Web: csrindia.org
26899998, 26125583, Fax: 2613782
20. MAHILA MANDAL INDL COOPERATIVE SOCIETY LTD 
961, Mangolpuri, Delhi – 110083
+(91)-(11)-27918021
21. SANJEEVANI VOLUNTARY ORGANISATION 
A-6, Satsang Vihar MG, Qutab Institutional Area, Delhi – 110016
+(91)-(11)-26864488
22. DELHI COMMISSION FOR WOMEN 
2ND FLR,Vikas Bhwn, C-BLK, Darya Ganj, Delhi – 110002
+(91)-(11)-23378122
23. SANJEEVANI SOCIETY FOR MENTAL HEALTH 
Shopping Cnetre, Jungpura Side, Defence Colony, Delhi – 110024
+(91)-(11)-24311918
24. KHAZANI WOMENS POLYTECHNIC 
34/18, NR PNB, Devli RD, Khanpur, Delhi – 110062
web : www.khazaniwomenpolytechnic.com
+(91)-(11)-41653687
25. JAGORI WOMEN RESOURCE CENTRE 
B-114, Shivalik, Malviya Nagar, Delhi – 110017
+(91)-(11)-26691219
26. SAHARA NGO
E-453, Part-II, Greater Kailash, Delhi – 110048
+(91)-(11)-26219147
27. DELHI MAHILA KALYAN SAMITI 
48, Nr D Blk, Institutional Area, Janak Puri, Delhi – 110058
+(91)-(11)-28522851
28. SEWA BHARAT 
7/5,1st Flr, South Patel Nagar, Delhi – 110008
+(91)-(11)-25840937
29. TARSHI HELPLINE 
A-91,1st Flr, Amrit Puti, East Of Kailash, Delhi – 110065
web : www.tarshi.net
+(91)-(11)-26472229
30. CATHOLIC RELIEF SERVICES 
139, Shopping Cplx, Zamrudpur, Delhi – 110048
Web: crs.org
+(91)-(11)-47674220
31. INDIAN SOCIAL SECURITY 
113, Mohan Singh Place, Cp, Delhi – 110001
web : www.indiansocialsecurity.org
+(91)-(11)-43077786
32. SHAKTI VAHINI 
H-11 ,Second Floor, Hudson Lane,Kingsway Camp, Delhi
web : www.shaktivahini.org
9582909025, 42870188

33. Deep Jyoti- Neelam Sharma (Founder)

Address: Village Bagdola, (Choppar) Sector-8, Dwarka Delhi-110073

Tel: +919311001137, 011-65751671

Email: jyoti.mission@gmail.com Website: http://www.deepjyotingo.com

Shelter Homes For Women
S.No. Name & Address Capacity Phones
1. ALL INDIA WOMEN’S CONFERENCE’S
‘Bapnu Ghar, 6, Bhagwan Das Road, New Delhi
30-35 23381377,23389680
2. MAHILA DAKSHATA SAMITI’S
‘Snehalaya’, 31 X, Karkardooma, Near Central School, Delhi
25 22145113
3. PRAYAS(Juvenile Home for 6-18 years)
59, Tughlakabad Institutional Area, New Delhi
70-100 29956244
29051103
4. YOUNG WOMEN’S CHRISTIAN ASSOCIATION (YMCA)
10, Parliament Street, New Delhi-1
12 43553142
5. MATRITVA CHHAYA

  1. Sarai Rohella, Near Andh Mugh Police Station, Partap Nagar, Near Metro Station, Delhi
  2. Jahangir Puri, Near Metro Station and Mahindra Park, Police Station Jahangir Puri, Delhi
6 223820509971802146
6. NIRMAL CHHAYA COMPLEX
Jail Road, Janak Puri, New Delhi
50 26520114
7. PREMALAYA
Mayur Vihar, Phase-I, New Delhi
20 23344435
27010116
Crime Against Women Cells (CAW Cells)
S.No. Name/ Address Phone
1. HEADQUARTER 
Special Police Unit for Women & Children, Nanakpura, Moti Bagh New Delhi
24673366
2. NORTH DISTRICT
Crime Against Women Cell
P.S. Sarai Rohilla, Ist Floor, Delhi-7,
23962201
3. NORTH-WEST DISTRICT
Crime Against Women Cell P.S. Pitampura, Delhi-52
27232353
4. NORTH-EAST DISTRICT 
Crime Against Women Cell. Old Building of PS Nand Nagri, Delhi.
22137210
5. CENTRAL DISTRICT
Crime Against Women Cell
P.S. Prasad Nagar Delhi.
25737951 Ext. 7411
6. NEW DELHI DISTRICT
Crime Against Women Cell
Parliament Street, New Delhi-1,
23361231 Ext. 3447
7. SOUTH DISTRICT
Crime Against Women Cell,
Old PS Malviya Nagar Building,
Behind PVR Saket, New Delhi
26562731
8. SOUTH – WEST DISTRICT 
Crime Against Women Cell PS Dwarka Sector 9, First Floor, Near ITL Public School, New Delhi.
25088987
9. SOUTH – EAST DISTRICT
Crime Against Women Cell, PP Sriniwas Puri, New Delhi
26841500
10. EAST DISTRICT 
Crime Against Women Cell P.S. Krishna Nagar, Delhi,
22207950
11. WEST DISTRICT 
Crime Against Women Cell P.S. Kirti Nagar, New Delhi
25447100 Ext. 4205
12. OUTER DISTRICT 
Crime Against Women Cell, Old Police Station Building, Near JIMS Institute, Sector 3, Rohini, Delhi
27511753

Above mentioned details have been taken from Special Police Unit for Women & Children, Delhi

List of NGOs and Government-run organizations working against Domestic Violence in Mumbai: 

  1. Action India
  2. Akshara- A women’s Resourse Centre
  3. Asha Sadan
  4. Bapnu Ghar
  5. Bapu Trust
  6. Bharatiya Mahila Federation
  7. CORO for Literacy
  8. Community Outreach Programme
  9. Jagori
  10. Kasturba Mahila Vasatigruha
  11. Lawyer’s Collective women’s Right initiative
  12. Mahila Dakshata Samiti
  13. MASUM-Mahila Sarvangeen Utkarsha Mandal
  14. MAVA- Men against violence and Abuse
  15. Sakhya Anti-dowry and Women’s guidance cell
  16. Special Cell for Women and Children
  17. The Hindu Women’s Welfare Society-Shraddhanand MAhila Ashram
  18. Women’s Research & Action Group

Do share with us links on useful links, websites and lists of NGOs to update this post.


 Zena Costa, independent Sports Mgmt Prof. & writer, blogs to help you and & loved ones heal from a life of tribulations and move onto a better tomorrow. Because it’s you, and only you that can help yourself.

My years as a journo helped me meet women from all walks of life across all cultures. It’s imperrative that before seeking solutions we UNDERSTAND RAPE.

Rape is like a violent storm that cuts a swath through the lives of victims and those who love them. Left in its wake are complex feelings of grief, anger, confusion, fear, helplessness, isolation, uncertainty, injustice, and a profound sense that one’s world may never be the same again.

For many victims, rape is moment that divides in their lives . . . life before the rape and life now. In some measure, the same is true for those who are closest to the victim including husbands, fathers, brothers, and male companions. For all, one consequence of rape is that it can shape peoples’ perceptions of themselves and their interactions with others. In particular, it seems as if many of the rules that govern how victims and their loved ones conduct their lives and relate to one another are changed in the after­math of rape.

How does a victim of rape regain control of her life? As a man whose lady-love gets raped, as mother or as a father who loves her, what can you do to help her recover? How can you preserve and strengthen a relationship with someone you love if she is raped? To answer these questions, you must first understand what rape is.

Rape maybe defined as an act of sexual violence that is usually perpetrated by males against females, which is accompanied by threat and intimidation, and which is imposed upon a victim against her will.

Rape is about power, control, and domination. Rape is not about sex, though it is a violent crime that is expressed sexually. The victim has not “asked for it” and does not enjoy it. The victim was forced by someone who overpowered her, and possibly terrorized her with a weapon and threats of extreme bodily harm. Rape is life-threatening and life-altering; it severely traumatizes the victim.

Rape is a disturbingly frequent crime that occurs thou­sands of times each year. Rape is one of the least reported crimes, in part because many victims fear how they might be treated if they divulge what has happened. By choosing to remain silent, many rape survivors are also trying to protect others from the consequences of their victimization. It is an act of courage and trust for a woman to divulge to another that she was raped.

Most of the resources of rape-crisis centers and counseling facilities are directed toward providing immediate help to the victim. But others also are in a position to help, including men. Because of the violent and sexual nature of rape, the husbands, fathers, brothers, and male friends who are important to victims may have a difficult time coming to terms with what has happened. Many are well-intentioned and want to help, but do not know what to do. Yet these men often have the greatest impact on her recovery — positively or negatively — depending on what they say and how they act.

Although most men want to help, many are ill-prepared to respond constructively. This may be because they think of rape as a “woman’s problem.” They have little understanding of how rape will affect their relationship with the person they love. To make matters worse, myths about rape compound the difficulties of recovery for victims.

If your wife, daughter, sister, or friend is raped, Seek counselling – You will learn what happens to her in the aftermath of an assault. You will learn what you should and should not do. It will give you the tools necessary to maintain a healthy relationship with the person you love.